Life Before, During And After Foster Care

I was a foster kid and now a kinship parent. My life before, during, & after foster care taught me a lot. Here's insight into the lives of the foster kids and foster parents of foster care.

10 Simple Gift Ideas For Teens In Foster Care

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When I was in foster care I was lucky enough to live in group home where I was able to make a Christmas list. Our group home was good at finding donations to make it possible for us to receive some nice things. We also live in a community that is very giving with their donations for those less fortunate. I never really knew what to put on my Christmas list. I wasn’t used to asking people for things, not from my family and especially not from “strangers”. Since I hadn’t known my foster parents long, they didn’t know what to get me. It’s hard to buy for teenagers, especially teenagers you may not know too well. Here are 10 simple Christmas gift ideas for teens in foster care.
  • New clothes and shoes- A child in foster care doesn’t get much of a clothing allowance. Especially when you factor in sometimes needing higher priced items like shoes and coats. Getting clothing donations was great but I always hoped to get some new clothes for Christmas. It’s hard enough fitting in while in high school, especially as a foster kid so feeling good in some new clothes or shoes is a self esteem boost.
  • Prepaid phone- Now days everyone needs to stay in contact. Teens especially those in foster care need to get out into the world to figure things out but I recommend any teenager having a way of getting in contact with you at anytime. A prepaid phone is a great way to keep that contact while also giving a little responsibility. Since it’s prepaid they can rack up a bill. Also since they have a “bill” there’s more incentive to maintain a job to keep it going.You can get a prepaid phone for as little as $20.
  • Book- An educational or inspirational book is always a great gift. As a teen in foster care they may have to go out into a tough world and figure some things out. They will also face tough times mentally and work on discovering who they are. Sometime a great book with a little insight can give a different perspective. I was given a book gift called “Wild At Heart” that I remember to this day. Also educational books about life situation will get teens prepared for the real world. Books can be expensive and can sometimes be found cheaper on the internet.
  • Journal- A Journal is a great gift for teenagers in foster care. Writing is a great way of getting out emotions in safe way. There were many times when frustrated with my situation that I would write. With this I was also able to look back on my experiences. There were many reminders of good things I had forgotten about or maybe taken for granted at the time. There were also tough times that when I looked back on gave me the strength to push forward during other obstacles.
  • A class or lesson- Going into the world I never really felt like I had a trade. Some people are tech savvy, others mechanically inclined, or maybe how to build something. If you’re foster kid is pretty good at or interested in a trade, you can get him classes or lessons to learn more. A hobby is therapeutic and can also earn some extra money when things get tight.
  • Gear from a favorite sports team- Sports fans with favorite team usually love anything that has their team on it. It pretty much doesn’t even matter what it is. If you can find out your foster child’s favorite team check out the sports store or website.
  • Spa day, makeover, or nail certificate- For those with young women, a spa day, makeover, or getting a certificate to get their nails done are great gift ideas. Maybe she’s in need of a new hair style. Some young women have never had the chance to be pampered or do extra things like getting their nails done. What girl doesn’t like to be pampered?
  • A Blanket- One of the most memorable gifts I received was a blanket. It was a gift that I used often and still have to this day. Blankets can always be used and can meet a real need. Blankets are something that you can also take with you. Hopefully it’s a gift that can carry good memories with through their foster care journey.
  • Gift card- Many people don’t like to give gift card because they aren’t personal. At the same time I’ve never known anyone that doesn’t like to receive money. There are gift card to different places such as restaurants, or to iTunes, and Google play stores if you know your teen has a preference. Gift cards are always a great fall back gift in any situation.
  • A simple toy- Sometimes we over think gift giving. Teenagers like to act adult like and not like kid stuff. Give a teenager a simple child's game, a toy car set or one of those finger skateboards and bet they don’t play with it. They may not when they are sitting in front of everyone but I bet they will at some point, and love every minute of it. Teenagers, just like adults, sometimes want to relive those kid moments. some may have never had a chance to have them.
My favorite part of Christmas is giving gift to others. It always feels good to give somebody a smile, let them know they were thought of, or even help them out. Gift giving for foster children doesn’t have to be complicated. Many are just thankful for a safe home and being thought of.

You Know they Are Judging You

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 Sometimes in foster care situations you will feel as people just don’t understand. That can be said of many things in life, but if you’re involved with this lifestyle then you have an idea of what I’m talking about. I’m not talking about one certain thing or one certain side of it. Whether you’re a foster kid or a foster parent there’s going to be things you go through, things you have to do, that most people that haven’t been in the situation just wouldn’t understand. As both a foster kid and a kinship parent I have been judged. Sometimes it was justified, but often time’s people don’t look below the surface and think about the why. Maybe there’s a reason these things have happened or things are they way they are. I know this is the part where you say, “you know the real reason and that’s what matters”. Honestly knowing the story and knowing (or really hoping) what I’m doing is best doesn’t make me feel any better about it.
The reason I ‘m writing about this is based around when foster parents have to punish or be more strict with their foster kids, and how that is viewed by others. When people look at a foster family especially the foster kids they look at them differently, rightfully so, because of what they have gone through. With many foster kids though there are issues, some that are not seen or known, that lead foster parents to treat their foster kids differently than their own kids and maybe their other foster kids. Sometimes it’s about teaching life lessons because that is more important than “child” things.

I will say that I’m a strict parent; especially kinship parenting. My experience with this would be with 2 older teens. They came to live with me being behind their social age. They had lived in foster care then adopted into a volatile situation that didn’t allow them to develop like normal kids. Understandably they want to do things that they didn’t have a chance to do. Some of it fine but some of it is not, even if they never got a chance to do it. I make a bigger deal about a situation then I would normally when they make a big mistake. I may not allow them to do things that other kids get to do. For all these things some people from the outside criticize, but I won’t change. I can’t change and I do have a reason.
Often times people think about the now without thinking about the future. But, we all know how fast that future approaches us. I can tell you from personal experience on how you go from foster kid to just another person in the world. Utility companies, the landlord, jobs and life in general don’t care about if you were a foster kid or what you went through as a child. Beside the ones closest to you, most don’t care about what struggles you’ve conquered or what may be going on in your life in the present.

With that being said, I go back to many foster kids have some sort of issues. As a real parent would it be my job to try and help them fix these issues to help them be more successful in life or should I think about everything they’ve been through and let it slide? Should I teach them a life lesson or should I cut them a break? Even though I’m not their parent it is my job to parent them. One of the aspects of being a parent is putting your children in the position to succeed. Sometimes that means teaching life lessons, putting them in situations and keeping them out of situations.

Now you may be saying “sometimes they just have to learn it for themselves”. That is true to an extent, but some life lessons stick with people for the rest of their lives. Some mistakes can’t be undone or taken back. Many foster kids haven’t had the opportunity to make mature decisions. It’s already hard enough getting started in the world especially as a foster kid. In the grand scheme of life you’re judged by your decisions, character, responsibility, and work ethic. As a parent and a kinship foster parent it’s my job to put my kids in the best position to be successful in whatever they want to do, and though it is never easy, I know that all my kids will have a chance to be successful in their own right. Being judged or not agreed with, I think we all should try to understand. These struggles have impacted many parts of life and will continue to do so. Do you feel that they are judging you?