Why Would An Abused Child Want To Return Home?
There are many preconceived stereo types and misconceptions in foster care. Many can’t relate or understand what abused children go through or why they act the way they do. Many times we don’t know ourselves why we feel a certain way. One of the common things people can’t quite understand is why abused kids would want to go home to their parents.
Being older I didn’t want to go home. I was made to believe everything that was going on was just normal punishments, but as I got older I realized more that we were really in trouble. After the fact I could see how good my parents were at hiding what was going on and for how long it went unnoticed. I knew that if we went back we wouldn’t be so lucky. At 15 I knew that I couldn’t go back to my parents and had already decided I was going to go into life without parents. I wanted to be on my own, but many foster kids, maybe even most, would like to be with their parents. Why is that…?
As a society, we are trained to love our parents. Even if your parent isn’t taking care of you the best, someone won’t tell you that your parents are bad. They will skew it to make it look different or not the parents fault. When we are young we are taught to look up to our parents and to respect them. We are supposed to listen to what they say. We feel like we have to listen and forgive them. In the bible it tells us to honor our mothers and our fathers, it doesn’t break it down and tell us when.
It’s hard to understand, but sometime when you go through something really bad, something not so bad looks pretty good. For example, if you haven’t eaten all day a little bread and water look pretty good. Yea it’s just bread and water, but if puts something in your stomach and keeps you alive. Your’e thankful your being fed. At times I felt like I owed my parents when they let up on abuse or it wasn’t as bad as previous times. I was thankful they stopped so I would make excuses of how this made them not all bad.
Living in abusive household you learn to survive. Sometimes just surviving through the day is the main goal. You learn methods to try to make things easier on yourself. You do things to please the abuser to make the abuse not happen. It becomes a habit it and apart of life. It instills in your brain at a time of development. Some kids feel responsible for the abuse in the first place. Many abusive parents will blame their child for the abuse. Children feel like if they were better kids then their parents wouldn’t do those things to them. They are convinced that it is their fault and they want to please their parents.
It doesn’t make sense to some people until you really look at all the factors. We want to believe in people and we want to be loved. We don’t want to believe that the people that were supposed to love us the most did such horrible things. Should everybody get a 2nd chance?